Looking Around

i look around myself.
then i see that so many people
are so blissful.

they earn their effort.
and they get it.
i try and i earn too.
but sometimes
i just do not get what i want.

wondering why.
am i out of luck or what.
so i felt so frustrated.
disappointed.

An Epiphany.
it does not the matter of how lucky you are.
it is a 'yes' that effort does matter.
patience also plays its role here.
i am sure i will earn my effort.
sooner and later.
be patient.
because Allah's help is timeless.
sometimes it is a trial from Him.
for you to testify your faith upon Him.

so i tell myself,
be patient.




The End Of The Topic.

Hati Kecil

dengar sini hati kecil mahu berbicara
hati kecil yang memang kecil sebesar genggaman tangan.

tatkala busy membuat research untuk paper exam yang seterusnya,
gigih lagi tangan ini menekan-nekan keyboard
mahu melepaskan tekanan, kaedahnya.

mencuri sedetik masa
dari celah-celah ribuan detik.
multi-tasking lah katakan. 

pusing kepala
macam putaran kipas siling nombor 5
memikirkan cara nak mengingat banyak
banyak terma.
yang familiar kurang, yang asing banyak.

belajar secara sambilan.
sambil menaip, sambil buat research
sambil bersosial, sambil garu-garu kepala.
yang fokus kurang, yang leka banyak.

teng teng, teng teng.
bunyi deringan mesej.
bertambah lagi aktiviti sambilan
yang kurang ilmiah.
selongkar sana, selongkar sini.
mencari punca bunyi yang tenggelam
dek ditelan lautan selimut dan bantal.

tak ada punca.
memang.
hati kecil berbicara
tentang rentetan kehidupan.
mendatar.
betul, tak ada yang tak betul. 
monolog sang pencari.
sekadar melepaskan keluhan maya.
berbasa-basi.
kosong tak punya isi
itulah realiti.






The End Of The Topic.

off the bed

 can't properly sleep 

few days back.

for some reason.

 

The End Of The Topic.

Dunia Tak Masuk Akal

semakin tak masuk akal dunia ini
jangan salahkan dunia tetapi
salahkan segenap isi.

segenap isi?
haiwan sekali?
kalau dibilang kurang bijak
mungkin sesuai barangkali.

manusia makin hilang kewarasan diri.

hidup berjoli,
hingga dinihari,
togok arak dan todi,
bebas berhubungan,
hingga lahir anak tanpa ikatan,
itu kau panggil kehidupan?

ke mana perginya akal,
ke mana hilangnya akhlak,
di mana duduknya Tuhan
di hati kau?

kau lupa mungkin,
dunia ini bukan yang pasti,
hakiki ternyata di akhirat nanti.

pilihan bukan pada sesiapa tapi diri
nak teruskan sampai bergegar bumi
atau kembali kepada fitrah insani
selagi Tuhan masih Mengasihani
jangan bila pintu taubat sudah ditutupi
baru kau meratap minta dikasihani
kerana
tika dan saat itu,
tergolonglah kau antara orang-orang yang rugi.


0927
110513



The End Of The Topic.

Lampeter

I missed that place sometimes. I really do. It is just for two years, but for me it is a lifetime’s reminiscence. For sure, because Malaysian went to study abroad for degree, master or PhD level, But I went for high school. I mean I went there when I was 14 years old. At first, it is hard, to cope with strange, very new unfamiliar environment.Almost everything. Weather, school, people, language.

Lampeter situated in Wales, United Kingdom.In Wales, they speak Welsh other than English. Lampeter in Welsh is Ceredigion Pont Steffan. I don’t really get a chance to learn Welsh properly but I managed to acquire few words that I still remember up until today, like “Diolch” means thank you, “Ysgol” means school.

Lampeter is a countryside city. City is still considered modern I would say. It is rustic town, yes town is the exact word. The first time I arrived there, I was like, “wow, very kampong-like”.  Honestly, I didn’t expect it to be very kampong-like as that. I thought it would akin to what I always seen on TV. It is the opposite. Very small town. But I love that place.  Farm, sheep, old rustic building. 

High school moment. Another one that I would not be able to get over it. Frankly, I fret during my first day at Lampeter Comprehensive School. I felt like I am an alien who lost in the planet earth. Honestly, I could not communicate well, because of their accent. I just could not get it. It took me a week, as far as I remembered, to gradually comprehend their accent. I still remember Mrs Owen, my first teacher, who teaches foreign students like me. She is a very lovely person, very friendly.  Then I realized that I am not the only ‘alien’ there.  There are Kurdish, Korean, Hong Kong, Chinese and Japanese. Me, my brother and my sister are the only Malaysian.  I walked to school, because it just nearby. The school started at 9.00 am in the morning and ended at 3.30pm. 

My friend would remember me as a cool person because they always said “Yo Nurul, you’re cool!” and the one who always do heli-spin with pen. And yes, they called me ‘Nurul’ there. And I remembered Mr. Grifith, my home class teacher, Mr. Jenkins, my math teacher who always mesmerized with my ability to do math exercise within short time. Seriously, I still remembered during my very first class with him, he asked us to do the multiplication exercise. I am the first one to finish and get all correct also while everybody was complaining and whining. He was surprised, and asked me “do you find it easy?” I just nodded. “Sifir” I would say. That is the reason why.  

I remembered after school hour, me and my siblings would run to the library near to our house, to check email from our Malaysian friends. I still remember Somerfield and Coop, the nearest supermarket. Everything there is around the corner.

Woah, I never write this long. I am unstoppable when it comes to Lampeter. Yeah. It is just because I missed that place. That is all.

The End Of The Topic.