Wednesday, January 30, 2013

the Moment Before



 Maybe,
some of us might desire not to keep remembering
or reminiscing the old memories.
in contrary, i do.
 i am one of the kind who 
cherished memories and moments
so much.
whether good or bad,
i'll always remember all.
because it reminds me of who i am before.

missing my school days.
all of my friends.
sometimes i wish that i could travel back
to the moment before.
 yeah i know, it is impossible.
we also barely keep in contact.
some of them, nada.
some of them just...gone.
wishing that i can meet them,
having long chitchat like before.
but it would be difficult
because all of us are heading toward different paths now.


Port Dickson, 2007.

 end.


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Spiritual Tonic




 The pleasures of the worldly life are trivial
The life hereafter is best for the pious ones.



Love Letter from God








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Overloaded Sweetness



 Praise to Allah,
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah

to be frank, i don't really feel nervous
or fret too much
few hours before the result came out.
i even have time laughing while watching
Running Man. 
because i have set deep in my mind,
whatever come out, i will accept it whole-heartedly. 
i know my own strengths and weaknesses.

overloaded sweetness.
kini tidurku tersenyum
Thank you Allah.

end.



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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Selamat Kembali.



menghabiskan sisa-sisa cuti yang tinggal
dengan rasa yang tak tahu nak describe macam mana.
nak kata happy, tak jugak.
nak kata sedih pun tak jugak.
pokok pangkalnya, takda perasaan.

dalam kiraan beberapa hari lagi,
akan kembali aku ke dunia kesibukan.
utmost busy-ness yang aku ceritakan sebelum.
baru selesai flick thru schedule untuk semester baru,
macam gigi yang rongak kalau nak digambarkan.
suka tak suka tetap kena suka.

dalam otak dok merangka apa yang boleh dibuat
untuk menghabiskan sisa cuti ini,
berharap dengan cara ini masa akan kurang pantas berjalan.
kalau dibiar kosongan, cepat pulak masa berlalu nanti.
sudah tentu aku tak mahu itu berlaku.

cadang nak merayau pergi shopping mall
sorang-soranglah sebab takda peneman
tapi takut kena culik pulak,
kan banyak kes culik sekarang.
jelir lidah kat diri sendiri sebab perasan.

jadi sekarang dok mempersiapkan 
mental dan fizikal demi untuk kembali 
ke alam persekolahan.
rutin senang lenang kena tolak hujung meja dulu
rutin kesibukan bawak ke tengah.

cuma berharap semester mendatang ini
berbaik-baik dengan aku
walaupun tiap-tiap semester akan diuji dengan
pelbagai cabaran.
kerana itu lumrah, aku dah terbiasa.

end.
 

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Monday, January 28, 2013

Memoir





http://distilleryimage7.s3.amazonaws.com/58c5ebda67ca11e292b622000a1fb73b_7.jpg
London, 2005

memory isn't something that can be erased that easy.
just reminiscing. 
 end.







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Nearly the End


 usually i type my entry in the morning
it is when my brain at its active mode,
very active.

just a little update.
it is nearly the end of my vacation.
quite sad because it is too short.
i didn't travel anywhere far.
just nearby,
in front of the house,
in the kitchen,
in the living room,
in my own room mostly,
to the supermarket,
to wedding event.
very enjoyable isn't it?

though it is quite sad that
i didn't travel anywhere to kill the holiday
but i did enjoy my precious time with family.
yeah, i know the fact that i'm living with my family all the time
but usually i'm at my utmost busy-ness that i didn't even have 
time to sit in the living room watching tv together with my family.

it makes me realize something,
we may gain something, but we also may lose something
in the same journey.
like me for instance, i may gain knowledge, time with friends
but at the same time, i lose my moment with my family.
yet it wasn't a lose that i regret since i'm doing it for the sake of ibadah.

heading towards the end of the semester break,
duh mix feeling. blended.
i didn't actually want the holiday to end this quick.
but what can i do?
i just have to follow and go with the flow.
i'm also heading towards the end of my study
holistically.
one year and few more months left.
will talk more bout it later.
end.


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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Genuine thought



what is blogging to you?
for me it is a place where i gather all of my genuine thought
most likely, 
everything in this blog is me.
i mean, the "real" me.
maybe people can't "see" me like this outside the blog.

blog can be either surface personal
or deep personal.
i would rather prefer the former.
though blog is meant for people personally,
and mostly it is personally admin-ed
but still personal is personal.  
seldom i shared about my personal life,
and if i do, i'll make sure it is barely personal.

Thus, i personally prefer to be anonymous.
only certain people do realize the existence of my blog.
 there is not a need for me to promote my blog
and never in my intention to be a famous blogger.

 to share thought and principle is my intention,
to improve writing skill is ultimately.

 

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Soul Remedy


 too easy to feel shaky,
feel flustered thee,
with every difficulty.

too easy to complain ye,
whining thee,
original planning deviates away every.

too easy to blame He,
cursing thee,
 faults of ye own faulty.

people, people
people of weak traits!
proud and arrogant,
stubborn and ignorant.
people who forget easy!

five and six of the ninety four,
 is what are ye looking for.

"So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
Verily with every difficulty there is relief."

magnificently!
words of promise by He,
the sole provider of remedy,
the God of Mercy.


20130123
0927

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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Spiritual Tonic



 Verily,
in the remembrance of Allah
do hearts find rest





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The Bitter and Sweet


 Bitter 

Coffee, 
Medicine, 
Test, stress,exam, 
Hardship, Hell, Pain, 
distraction, Tears, loneliness,
rebellious, ignorance, fall, fail, fear
rejection, anger, miserable, cold, hunger


Candy, cake, sugar, honey, marshmallow
family, friends, mom, dad, lovers,
success, happiness, acceptance,
enjoyment, bravery, confident
wisdom, knowledge
Al-Qur'an, Heaven
ALLAH

Sweet 






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Monday, January 21, 2013

Language


 English is not my first language.
Bahasa Melayu is my first language.
my passion right now is to master both languages.
language learning is never easy, believe me.
 but it is so much fun.
fun at the journey in acquiring or mastering the language.

usually, we take language for granted.
yes, what's up with language right?
it is not as important as Science or Mathematics etc.
it is actually a big mistake to assume that way. 
Language is important.
equally important as astronomy, science and math.
why?
because language is a medium of communication.
we communicate and convey our message and intent through it. 

i am language enthusiast now.
Bahasa Melayu and English both.
it is just before this i am not confident enough to write.
so i read.
read lots of book on both language.
Alhamdulillah, i think i have improve much.
 reading is essential and fundamental to master language.
don't ever dream of mastering language without having reading as a trait.
a good writer usually read more than write.

English, is merely not about grammar thingy.
there are lots of other things
semantics, pragmatics, stylistic and so forth.
English also is beautified through its literature.
poetry, short story, novel.

same goes to Bahasa Melayu
which is prominently known for its gracefulness.
 we also have Jawi writing
unfortunately it is gradually fading
because we take our language for granted.
Bahasa Melayu's literature also spectacular.
as deep as ocean.
as beautiful as emerald.
so precious that it should not be abandon.

apart from that, 
language learning can also be in so much fun.
for example,
i love watching korean dramas and varieties.
even though most of the dramas and varieties have subtitles 
but learning its language makes watching interesting even more.
it is hard since Korean language not using alphabet but kanji characters.
yet, i feel satisfied being able to read some of the hangul word although
the meaning is beyond my knowledge.


thus, learning language is essential
and it is also fun in different ways.
language indeed is captivating and mesmerizing.
try learn it once,
and you'll love it forever.

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Saturday, January 19, 2013

Birthday Speech



 never did this before,
so i am gonna do it this time.

Alhamdulillah.
I have been living for 23 years now.
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah
Praise to Allah
for giving me this ample time
living in this world
with good family,
good siblings,
good friends indeed.
these are the precious gifts ever and forever.

wish for nothing more,
just Blessing from Allah through and through
good health
lead a good life with my precious family and friends.
for those who wish,
thank you so much!
Ameen for the du'a.
May Allah bless you all.

i am 23 and i am gonna be unstoppable.
just don't hold me back.
haha.

Thank you.
XOXO



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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Respect


there are lots of controversial issues happened in 
our country right now.
i have no interest in explaining what are those issues
but interested in how some of the people handle these matter.

like few days ago, i have shared something
on my FB wall, something regarding
the use of Allah's name in bible.
there's nothing sounded like politics
it is just the source that i shared from is a
FB page of pro-govt. 
and i got bash from someone 
who i would rather labelled as fanatic.
i don't think he read the content of the post
but he is merely looking at the source.
i dislike this people way of thinking.
he is being rude on my wall just because he is an
anti-govt. 
but i will not easily give in with that kind of manner.
even though he is being rude,
 i replied his comments with the most polite words ever instead.
this is win-win situation.
i hope that he feels ashamed of his manner and
perceives my comment as "in your face!"
for being rude to others.

people, it is about respecting others.
knowing me best, i am not that kind of people who immersed about politic
and i am not a politic-wise.
sadly, this is how some people handle this kind of issue.
they think bashing each other will solve the problem.
No, it is not.
it is just to satisfy their anger and dissatisfaction
it is the way of Syaitan,
not the teaching of Islam.
 Our religion teach us to live in peace and harmony indeed.
Islam teaches its follower to submit to Allah's command
that is the reason why we pray, we fast and so forth
and Islam did as well teaches us to commit good conduct and
one of the good conducts is to respect each others.

so, it is hard to respect each other?
 irony, we said that we are Muslims
but bashing each other just because we didn't share
same political belief
whilst we should be united in the name
 Islamic brotherhood.
 Human beings are gifted with mind and intellect
to ponder,
so please,
use it very well.
 

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Monday, January 14, 2013

Metafora Pelangi





 ibarat kau adalah pelangi
yang hadirnya tidak berkali-kali
bias kau sukar dicari
penghujung kau yang tiada pasti

 pelangi adalah ibarat kau
Ciptaan Tuhan yang tak terjangkau
 di depan aku walau
membuat hati kelam dalam galau

 kau adalah ibarat pelangi
yang selalu aku harap menjadi
meneman aku dikala sepi
dan tatkala aku menyendiri

pelangi itu adalah kau
yang akan selalu aku jagai
yang aku impikan kalau
diri kau aku miliki

tak mungkin barangkali
mengharap sesuatu yang tak pasti
kerana sesungguhnya ini
sekadar mimpi kesiangan hari


20130114
1001


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Sunday, January 13, 2013

What does it meant to be 23?


 out of all numbers,
why 23?
what does it meant to be 23?
that is the exact question to be frank.

in less than a month,
err.. just in few days
i will turn 23.
what's up with that number huh?
some people might be asking.

for me, it is a big number.
it does not only mark a mere number,
but it does more than that. 

it means that i am an adult.
really an adult.
arrgghh.. it is so hard to accept the reality,
it is hard to believe that i am already 23.
but actually,
still, 23 is young.
not that old.
(still in-denial syndrome)
it is a benchmark,
the start of being an adult.

getting older and older,
don't you think it makes people
think even more.
wise and mature.
yes, that.
yet, there's still child-being inside you,
it just not too appropriate to show much.

yeah, at this rate
people will start asking not-so-comfortable-to-answer question
like,
"Bila nak kahwin?"
and my answer would be,
"Insha Allah, bulan Disember, tahun je tak tahu bila,"
 
the fact that many of my younger cousins already tied their knot.
i guess it is trending back, the tradition of early marriage.
not that early dear makcik-makcik and pakcik-pakcik.
my sister will tie her knot this upcoming May,
and i guess my parent have to wait another 5 years
before my turn. haha

so what does it meant to be 23?
it means that people will perceive me differently,
not girl, no more. its lady.
treat me differently.
yeah, like an adult even though
my behavior does not really reflects that.
and its me myself.
it is about time to think about future.
precisely wisely.
not just as a mere dreaming,
it is time to make the dream comes true.
insha Allah, i will.


p/s: 23 means frown less and smile more. 

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Saturday, January 12, 2013

Cermin


 dari tadi dia berdiri depan cermin itu.
membelek-belek diri.
tangan kanan memegang pipi.
meraba-raba muka.
seolah-olah ada yang tak kena.

"Kenapa Min, dari tadi tengok dok belek muka tu?" 

reaksi, kosong. tak dengar mungkin.

"Naik pimples ke?" tanya Aie, naik satu oktaf nada suaranya 
bila soalan awal tadi tidak mendapat respon.

sedikit tersentak, dikalih pandangan ke arah sahabatnya itu
diukir segaris senyuman.

"tak adalah Aie, saje je nak tengok," jawab Min.

Aie membalas senyuman yang ternyata hambar itu.
tanpa disedari Aie, Min mengeluh perlahan.


 ****
 
"Muka aku burn lah Aie, tengok ni dah gelap," ujar Min suatu hari. 

Ada rasa aneh menujah dalam hati Aie. Dia membalas, 
"tak ada pun. biasa aje,"

"Betullah, cuba tengok elok-elok, nampak tak?" Min tunjuk mukanya pada Aie,
ada sedikit nada tidak puas hati.

"Emm, ada sikit..kot," pendek jawapan Aie.
jawapan ikut skema "sedapkan hati".

Min senyum puas hati. 
dia menarik senyuman.
dihadapnya senyuman itu di depan cermin.
namun senyumannya mati,
tiba-tiba.

****

tabiat Min semakin menjadi-jadi.
boleh dikatakan hampir setiap hari,
setiap detik
ditayang wajahnya di hadapan cermin.
nak kata bangga dengan raut wajah yang ada,
tidak kelihatan pula riak bangga itu, 
yang ada cuma wajah yang nampak sedih.

akibat rasa ingin tahu yang melonjak-lonjak,
akhirnya disuarakan juga Aie rasa itu.
Teragak-agak Min.
Terdiam selama dua tiga minit.

"betul ke apa yang kita lihat dekat cermin ni 
diri kita?" soalan Min memecah sunyi, akhirnya.

berkerut dahi Aie mendengar soalan itu.

"Apparently, yes," Aie menjawab dengan nada kepelikan.
"i mean, literally yes. memang sebijik yang ada dekat cermin tu reflection 
kitalah, not somebody else," ulas Aie dengan lebih lanjut.

"i know that. tapi betul ke 'diri' kita yang sebenar."
ditekankan perkataan diri itu.

Aie dapat mengajak maksud disebalik soalan itu.
dia tersenyum sendiri.
sudah tentu,
 tidak mungkin cermin biasa mampu 
menjelaskan diri manusia yang sebenar dan dia pasti
Min juga mengetahui perihal itu.

"setiap kali Min senyum depan cermin, Min nampak senyuman tu.
tapi bukan dari dalam hati. macam ada yang kurang, and empty,"

Aie faham.
sangat mengerti.
kekurangan disebalik senyuman itu. 
dia mengenali Min sudah lama.
jadi dia tahu.

tangannya mencapai sesuatu dari atas meja study.
sebuah buku.
dan buku itu bertukar tangan. 

kelihatan Min sedikit terpempan.
wajahnya sedikit keruh.
dibuatnya muka 'tak faham'.

"this is the real mirror. See yourself through this.
Reflect yourself, using this. Insha Allah, you'll get back
the smile that you lost," tersenyum Aie lalu beredar keluar dari bilik.
 seolah-olah memberi sedikit ruang untuk Min.

Min memandang buku yang dah lama tak ditatapnya itu.
ada cecair jernih dikelopak mata.
dipandang tajuk buku itu, dengan hati yang penuh 
rasa penyesalan. perlahan mulutnya membisikkan tajuk buku itu.


'The Translation of Al-Qur'an'


1212013
1059


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Novel



 terpengaruh dengan novel Fixi
entry blog pun jadi satu perkataan saja.

okeh,
sepanjang kehidupan aku,
berani aku katakan,
(bukan beriani)
yang aku dah baca beratus buku.
aku berani kerat rumput rumah aku,
rumah korang buat apa.
haha

dan boleh juga aku katakan
yang separuh dari ratus itu,
adalah novel.
ya! aku adalah salah seorang dari 
manusia yang suka membaca novel.
Takkan makan novel pulak kan. 

waktu muda-muda dulu
(bila pulak aku tua)
tak dinafikan memang genre yang jadi pilihan
adalah cinta.
biasa lah, remaja berdarah panas.
err, takda kena mengena pun.
memang berangan banyak waktu tu,
"ber-hangan" jadi watak utama
hero pulak handsome, kaya,
pandai serba-serbi, CEO syarikat semualah.
hangin aku bila dikenang balik!

okay, kita lari tajuk sikit,
pada aku,
realiti dan fantasi itu adalah satu perkara yang berbeza
definisi aku; 
(bukan dari kamus)
fantasi ialah, suatu angan-angan
mere dreaming
manakala realiti ialah
apabila kita merealisasikan angan-angan tersebut
yang bermula dari sebuah fantasi.

berbalik kepada tajuk,
boleh dikatakan aku berfantasi sahaja dulu.
bila dah dewasa sikit,
(in denial syndrome, taknak mengaku dewasa)
bila dah terlampau banyak sangat hadap 
novel cintan-cintun tu, aku jadi muak.
sungguh,
rasa dia macam makan meggi sebulan tak henti, 
muak kan.
boleh kena penyakit pulak tu.

sejak aku berkenalan dengan seorang penulis
yang bernama H (bukan nama sebenar),
padahal kenal dalam buku je,
aku mula kurang minat dengan novel bergenre cintun.
beralih kepada novel berunsur perubahan diri.
changes.
yes, people change,
so do i.

jadi ingin aku tekankan di sini,
tak perlu berpaksikan cinta manusia
untuk menulis sesuatu novel.
kan bagus kalau novel itu mampu 
menjadi penggerak kita untuk berubah.
yelah, dah korang kalau nak baca buku agama liat aje
(okay, kena kat batang hidung sendiri jugak)
apa salahnya kalau novel itu 
dijadikan medium dakwah.
yang sempoi, tak perlu berbahasa tinggi
sepertimana penulis; Hlovate.
novel yang menjadi inspirasi
yang tak basi
sampai bila-bila.


p/s: belum cukup ilmu untuk bagi inspirasi.

auch_down

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Bersendiri bukan sepi



aku ada family 
aku ada sahabat-sahabat
bukan aku seorang tinggal dekat dunia ni

yang paling penting aku ada Allah.
jadi, 
rasa sepi tak sempat singgah
walaupun aku bersendiri.






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"rindu orang jauh ke orang dekat?" dia bertanya

"Emm, orang dekat."

"Kalau dekat, buat apa nak rindu. Boleh tengok selalu,"

"Rindu, sebab dia bukan saya punya," 







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Saturday, January 5, 2013

Caffeine lover, not!


 "Nai secawan?"
that famous commercial. 
Malaysian should know this. 

Coffee, Nescafe, Espresso 
and so forth.
they are caffeine right?
i am absolutely a caffeine lover, not!

i wish i am
i tried my best to be one.
unfortunately i can't.
me myself dunno why.

for me,
drinking coffee 
for instance, makes one look elegant.
you know, when they smell the coffee
 before they take a sip and with that satisfied face
okay, i saw this on the tv commercial,
but in real life, not yet.
haha
weird me.
but that does not mean the one who didn't
consume coffee isn't elegant.
*cough cough*

i can drink but
under certain circumstances
if no other drink exist in this world,
then i'll drink.
Nescafe is okay,
but coffee, errgghhh.. i just can't. 
pardon my weirdness dear coffee lover.

some people consume caffeine to stay up awake
like students, who in the middle of examination period.
i've tried once, but i didn't work.
perhaps me and caffeine are not meant together,
 me and caffeine make a devilish pair
to that extent!

caffeine is followed by goodness and badness as well.
so one must control the habit
since it can cause addiction.
 it is caffeine by the way.

so, to the coffee lovers,
stay elegant!
and me, 
i am cool always,
even without a cup of coffee.
*wide-grin*


auch_down 

Prodigy in Rambling




actually i was thinking
what to say in this entry
because i frankly have no idea.
so i will come up with something random
and i am good at it.
believe me.
haha
okay, not funny. 

let me just ramble something current
about me perhaps
since this is my blog
what is the point talking bout someone else.
another joke that was not funny.
i know. 
i am not a prodigy in gag arena. 

i am currently in the middle of final examination
actually heading towards the end of it.
one paper left
and i will fight for it.
i will, inshaAllah.

so, the holiday is just around the corner
i can actually foresee my job during holiday.
i am a driver.
who will be sending and fetching my high-school sisters.
and i will be staying at home doing house chores.
am not going anywhere for holiday.
just...at home.
great isn't it?

that is the situation when you yourself 
in a vacation period while your other 
family members aren't.
awesome.

i should plan something for myself.
so that i will enjoy my holiday
by myself.
i actually have one already on my mind.
*evil-smile*

see i told ya,
i am very good a rambling
and random-ing.
 



auch_down

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

two zero one three



don't look back.
the yesteryear.
but learn from the past
to improve the present
and the upcoming future. 

don't give trouble to others,
if you don't want them to trouble you.
don't burden others
if you don't want them to burden you.
be good to others
if you want them to be good to you.

start anew. 
God provide you with ample time
so use it very well
better yourself.
 accept your limitation
then you'll learn how to be grateful.

 Perceive world dimensionally,
 you'll see that world is much more
than what you see today.
and change to HD, 
you'll see goal of your life, clearly


 p/s: got the feeling that this year gonna be a good one.
       InshaAllah.


auch_down